125 x 125 Style

From Slime To Sublime
Relief for the stylistically challenged

Vito DeLaSascaragraccia, the most important man in America.




In 1987 Penn and Teller took the comedy world by storm, selling out major venues around the world. Then Penn got this haircut.

For years, I've paying around $7 for haircuts at my local barber. Many guys I know spend upwards $30 for cuts that don't necessarily look better than mine. I laugh at them for spending so unwisely, they laugh at me for being so cheap. Who's fooling who? Daniel V., New York, NY

First and foremost, be thankful that they're laughing at your frugality and not its result. The fact that you're getting more jeers on your fiscal policy than your coif is a good sign. When it comes to hair, rest assured that the amount of cash spent is not proportionate to the quality of the service. A good haircut can be had for as little as a few dollars; a bad one, regardless of price, will make you feel as if every dollar had been wasted.

An important question to ask yourself before getting shorn is this: Am I happy with my hairstyle, or is it time for a change? If people keep mistaking you for Kirk Cameron, odds are it's time to visit a stylist, which leads to the age-old question: what's the difference between a stylist and a barber?

Besides about thirty bucks, a good stylist will recommend a good cut to you based on the shape of your head, the characteristics of your hair, and your personal style. They're invaluable when contemplating a change in style. They'll also provide you with the full salon experience, including a shampoo (YES, the shampoo person gets a tip), hip background music, plenty of fashion magazines to read while you wait, and scads of nubile, overly groomed young ladies walking around with sharp instruments, if that's your bag. One salon near our offices even serves herbal tea in their waiting area, although we're holding off on paying them a visit until they install a DeLonghi M200 Espresso Machine. Lord knows we sure can't afford one.

But we digress. Having sported nearly the same close-cropped hairstyles for the past fifteen years, we tend to visit our local barber shop for biweekly maintenance haircuts. Although traditional barbershops are lacking in that faux-Euro ambiance, the right barber shop will make you feel like the epitome of masculinity. Typically staffed by scores of elderly Italian men and sparsely decorated except for posters of Italian soccer teams, cans of talcum powder, copies of Sports Illustrated, and the ubiquitous red-striped pole, the barbershop is perhaps the last bastion of manliness in America. For a price averaging in the single digits per visit, a masterful barber can maintain your hair in fine form for years. As an added bonus, for a few dollars more you can get the closest shave you've ever had. We guarantee you'll be stroking your face for an hour afterwards.

A good rule of thumb when selecting a stylist or barber? Ask someone with a good haircut. If your friends are tonsorially challenged, visit a barber or salon on Saturdays (the busiest day) and find out which stylist is most difficult to get an appointment with. Or, alternately, which barber has the longest wait. And finally, if your hair is longer in back than in front, no amount of money is too much to spend on cutting it all off.

Got a style question? Send it to us at comments@ffwdmag.com.